


Unspoken.

by kuriositet



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Adultery, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-24
Updated: 2012-06-24
Packaged: 2017-11-08 10:04:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/442025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuriositet/pseuds/kuriositet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mirrors have the ability to show us things as they really are.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unspoken.

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2009. First posted on Mibba, then LJ and DW. Beta credit to [happilyappled](http://archiveofourown.org/users/happilyappled).

There's a mirror in Frank's bedroom. It's a big one, the kind that covers an entire wall.

Gerard is staring straight at it, and his reflection is staring back, a sad expression on its face. Frank is in his arms, curled into his chest and breathing on his collarbone, and reflection-Frank is in reflection-Gerard's arms. Gerard's hands are on Frank's soft skin, moving up and down his back in slow motions, and Gerard's hands in the mirror do the exact same thing.

It feels so right, but it looks so wrong. The gold of Gerard's wedding ring rubbing back and forth on Frank's side, the way it shines brightly in the reflection, light coming from a street lamp outside. Gerard's hair is a mess from when he showered earlier without brushing his hair out afterwards, and in the mirror it looks like a black cloud just hovering around his face.

Frank in the mirror stirs as Frank in Gerard's arms does, lifting his head up to place kisses along Gerard's neck and jaw until he reaches his lips. Gerard sighs softly as his grip on the younger man tightens, and Frank's arms wind around his back as their tongues tangle in Gerard's mouth. Frank's eyes are still firmly shut, but Gerard's remain open, always watching their reflection in the mirror. Frank's naked form is showing more and more as the sheet that covers their bodies slip off.

"I have to go soon," Gerard whispers against Frank's lips, eyes constantly flickering from Frank's to the mirror where reflection-Gerard is murmuring something against reflection-Frank's lips. He can't hear what his reflection self is saying, though, and he wonders if it's the same regretful words that he's telling his own Frank, or if they're something else. Maybe, in the mirror things aren't like in the real word. What if things weren't as bad there? Gerard thinks he'd love to trade places if that's the case.

"I know," Frank whispers, burrowing his face in Gerard's neck, and his body feels warm and soft as it presses closer to Gerard. The slightly older man rolls over onto his back, pulling Frank with him so that he's lying with his head on Gerard's chest, his messy dark brown hair tickling Gerard's skin. Gerard's face is turned towards the mirror, and there, he meets Frank's eyes. "What are you looking at?" His whispering breath is hot on Gerard's neck.

"You. Me. Us." His eyes follow the line of Frank's back, how it curves where Frank's ass rises up a little before going down again with his thighs. His fingers trace it on the real Frank's back as far as he can reach, which is to where the smooth, round curve begins. It's all familiar to him now; it's been such a long time so he just knows what to expect when he runs his hand along Frank's skin. Fumbling in the dark isn't as scary now as it had been the first time.

The first time, Gerard tells himself in some sort of dialogue with the mirror, he was confused because where there was supposed to be hips, there was nothing, really, and instead of soft, round breasts, he found a flat chest. It was toned with muscles and felt nice to touch, but it wasn't what he was used to at all. There was that fact that Frank is a man, and no matter how much it scared Gerard, it turned him on even more. He had never dared to dream about it, not even when Frank first kissed him, but he let it happen. He followed Frank home.

They work together, at a school, as English teachers. When Frank started working there this semester, they hit it off right away, as friends and co-workers, planning classes and tests together as to make it more fair on their students so they are judged equally. Gerard certainly didn't mind spending more time with Frank than any of the other teachers, even if Frank had only been there for a short while. Frank never seemed to mind either. The first time Frank kissed him, they were working together in Gerard's office, putting together a test on classic authors. Frank had just said something funny, making Gerard laugh, and had then leaned in to press his lips against Gerard's. He kissed back, but as soon as it ended, he looked down and mumbled 'I'm married'.

Two weeks passed without either man acknowledging that the kiss had even happened, but as Gerard was in his office one night, working late in the almost empty school, he started thinking. The memory of the kiss appeared in his head, and he couldn't forget how right it had felt to have Frank's warm lips moving with his own. He shouldn't feel like that, not for Frank, not for another man, not for anyone. He was married, with two little girls just eight and ten years old. He shouldn't risk ruining his family and their lives because of a kiss, but he did anyway. Getting up from his desk, he stormed out of his office and through the corridors, to finally burst in through Frank's office door. He didn't knock, or stop to look at Frank's surprised face, but leaned down and kissed Frank for all he was worth. Frank's tongue dipped into Gerard's mouth as he responded, and the gold of Gerard's wedding ring disappeared into Frank's dark hair.

"It's getting late," Frank says, pushing himself up a little so that he can look at Gerard's face. Frank in the mirror does the same, stroking Gerard's cheek and looking into his eyes with more affection than he has ever felt for anybody else. He had known from the first time he saw Gerard that he was going to be special, but he had never expected this. Love.

"I know," Gerard says and his reflection in the mirror brings his lips down to meet Frank's. He kisses back immediately, letting his hands get tangled in Gerard's black mess of hair as their tongues meet. Gerard tastes the same as he had the first time they kissed, like coffee. Frank tastes like a mixture of mint and cigarettes, his lips are soft and his tongue moist. Gerard rolls them over, causing the sheet to abandon their bodies completely, and it's the silhouette of Gerard's pale body that's reflected in the mirror. Frank lets out a content moan when Gerard pulls away a few moments later. "I don't know if I can do this anymore, Frank."

Frank brushes Gerard's hair out of his face, a sad look on his face that's mirrored on Gerard's, and the entire scene is reflected in the mirror. "I don't wanna lie anymore. I can't lie," he whispers, glancing sideways to meet his own eyes in the mirror. He shouldn't be here. He doesn't belong here, but at home, in his own house where he should be tucking his daughters into bed and kissing them goodnight. Kissing his wife goodnight.

"I know," is all Frank says, because he really does know. He has known from the beginning that what he and Gerard have isn't meant to last for a long time, and that he just needs to treasure and savor what little time they do have. "I know, Gee... I know." His unspoken 'I love you' lingers in the air as Gerard gets up from the bed to seek out his clothes on the floor. Frank looks at Gerard as the older man gets dressed, watching the naked skin as it disappears under the various items of clothing. He knows that this is most likely the last time they'll ever be like this.

He also glances at his reflection in the mirror as he sits up. His shoulders are hunched, and there is something allover depressing about his posture and the look on his face. Gerard's got his back towards him, but their eyes meet in the mirror. He walks back over to Frank, whose hands are carefully zipping up Gerard's pants for him while planting light kisses along the waistband of them. He's trying to say what needs to be said with every kiss, but he's not sure Gerard gets it. "Frank," Gerard says, gently prying Frank away from his waist, but Frank's lips only latch on to Gerard's hand instead, kissing every square inch of skin, except for around Gerard's wedding ring. _I love you. I love you. I love you._

Frank's eyes wander to their reflection in the mirror as he kisses Gerard's fingers, one by one, and it looks just as right as it feels. Letting go of Gerard's hand, he hooks his thumbs in Gerard's jeans and looks up at him. "I applied for a job in New York a while ago, and I got it." He stands up on his knees, looking Gerard in the eyes and he sees acceptance, almost too much of it. "If I still want it, I start on Monday." Gerard sighs softly, leaning in for a light kiss.

"Take it. It's better that way, so we can move on without seeing each other every day." The words hurt to say, and it hurts to hear them, but they both know it's true. They can't go on doing this, and the opposite of that is to move on, so they will. But it won't be easy. Had it been meaningless, emotionless and empty sex, it would have been, but it's not. It's love, and Frank knows it. Gerard feels it, but he can't let himself believe it.

"Yeah," Frank breathes, and as Gerard's lips find his again, his arms wind around Gerard's neck, holding him close. "Gee?" Frank whispers upon pulling away, his breathing shaky and lips quivering as he bites down on the bottom one. He glances at his reflection for a short moment, watches the utter terror in his own eyes, and then looks into Gerard's warm hazel eyes. Again, the words 'I love you' hang unspoken in the air, never making it out of Frank's throat. "I'll miss you," he says instead.

Gerard lets out a bitter laugh that's meant to disguise the ache in his chest, the sobs that want to break out of his throat and the tears that threaten to spill out from his eyes. He's not going to cry, and neither is Frank. They'd never do it in front of each other, or the glaring eyes of the mirror. He hugs Frank tightly, wrapping his strong arms around Frank's slightly skinnier frame, clutching it to his chest. "You too, Frank. I'll miss you too," he whispers, face pressed against Frank's neck.

Gerard lets go a few moments later, and continues getting dressed as Frank watches him from the bed. Gerard faces the mirror as he tries to sort out his messy hair that's fortunately dry by now, but he watches Frank's reflection more than his own. He's pulled the sheet up and wrapped it around himself, but if it's to keep warm or to cover himself up, Gerard doesn't know. Frank looks sadder than Gerard has ever seen him before, much sadder than he has ever looked the previous times when they've talked about stopping seeing each other. They're not just discussing it this time, though, Gerard thinks as he looks straight at his own reflection. They are going to end things, and Frank is getting a new job and moving away. This time it's final. They are over.

Frank follows Gerard out to the door of his apartment, still wrapped up in the thin sheet. He leans against a wall as Gerard bends down to tie his shoelaces and watches as he zips up his jacket, with tears burning underneath his eyelids. He wants to say those words, to open his mouth and let them vibrate through the air into Gerard's ears and to his brain. To his heart. He opens his mouth and he thinks it, he can hear himself say it in his head, but in the room, with him and Gerard, the words are and remain unspoken.

Gerard takes him in his arms one last time and kisses him, and Frank has to clamp his eyes shut to keep the tears inside. He doesn't want to cry; he can't cry. He's not that weak, that hopeless, that desperate or that scared. But he is scared, terrified of being lonely. Gerard has his family to go home to, he always had his family to go home to at night, whereas Frank was always left alone in his dark, empty apartment. Frank tries again to get those words out of him, to let Gerard know them, but his body won't cooperate.

"I don't want to let you go, Frank," Gerard whispers, his breath sharp and fast on Frank's face. "I don't want this to be it." His eyes are dark. Sad. They're almost blank enough for Frank to see his reflection in them.

"I'll still be at work tomorrow, and Friday." Frank tries a smile, but it doesn't reach very far up on his face. He reaches up and touches Gerard's face gently as he kisses him with the same tenderness. "Promise you won't forget me. I won't forget you." Gerard responds with a deep kiss that almost causes Frank's knees to give out.

"I promise," Gerard whispers. Frank wants to tell him. Tell him how much he means to him, but his feelings remain unspoken, and then Gerard is walking out the door.

He walks back to his bedroom, pulling the sheet closer around his cold body that just an hour ago had been warm and happy. The empty room seems dark and cold, and the mirror seems to be mocking him and his loneliness as it throws it back in his face. Lying down on the bed, he stares at the mirror just like Gerard had done before Frank woke up earlier. He pretends that he isn't looking at his own reflection, but at Gerard, and as the tears starts to fall down his cheeks, his lips finally move.

"I love you."


End file.
